Opening Day

The Mancanthlon started off without much fanfare or fireworks – just 6 dudes in an empty bar during daylight hours on one of the nicest Saturdays to be outside in recent memory. Not even a mob of protestors outside the Verizon Center could deter us from the task at hand. And so the brackets were set and the games began.

Maigari, Marc and Stoddy were the clear favorites in darts – whatever it is these guys do in their spare time, they need to get some cooler hobbies. Somehow, Johnny “Cinderalla Story” Blair managed to slip into the #3 spot (although he did get spanked 319-0 in the opening match) and Stoddy had the game of his life to emerge as the Darts Champion with Marc a close second.

Pool turned out to be a total gong show. Perhaps bracketing the bad pool players together was not the most efficient use of time. At around the second hour, once Blair, Carlos and Stoddy figured out that the point of 8-ball is to get balls in the holes, not just knock them around the table, the Championship bracket was able to be set.

Blair and I, having been knocked out – turned our attention to more important matters….how to score cake from a twins birthday party in close proximity. Blair turned on his old-man charm as only he can, and before we knew it we were munching on cupcakes Lazy Sunday-style and espousing the genius of Mancathlon to Maggie Gyllenhaal and her married friend, whose husband kept tugging at her shirt-tail and throwing her the “stop talking to those jackasses” look. Needless to say, Maggie Gyllenhaal turned out not to be Maggie Gyllenhaal, and married chick decided we weren’t worth 6 months of marriage counseling.

Meanwhile, back at the pool table, Stoddy was running the table like Minnesota Fats as the rest of us watched powerless, realizing he was going to take down another event. Our last hope was Carlos….but much like his stature, Carlos came up short (since this will no doubt piss him off, I will note that he and I are the same height).

Scoreless and demoralized, I knew I needed the kind of pick-me-up that only a 12” diameter cookie cake could provide. Blair, in the evening’s first misdemeanor, solidified his status as best wingman ever by stealing a huge chunk of said cake - and with that, we fled the scene and headed to Stetsons to finish off the night with Foosball.

At Stetsons, the 2:00 AM mark came upon us (this had taken a lot longer than expected), with the outcome still in doubt. Marc, Stoddy and Carlos duked it out in the Championship round, while the rest of us couldn’t even muster the energy to feign interest and just wanted to go to sleep. At 2:15, just before closing time…Stoddy had done it again. A Trifecta on opening day. 3 events. 3 golds. Phelps would be proud.

And so after day 1, The ManBoard stands at:

Stoddy – 9

Carlos – 4

Marc – 3

Maigari – 1

Blair -1

Garcia - 0

As we head into next week’s athletic events, many questions remain. Will Stoddy’s 9 point edge be insurmountable. Will Maigari really drown in the pool? Will Blair really be sporting a speedo? Who is the fastest Mancathlete….and will I ever be able to score a F**CKING point in this damn competition?! Tune in next week.

ManCathlon Summit 2009

The Allies had Yalta; Gorby and Ronnie had Rekjavik (I just went obscure cold war missile defense summit reference on your ass…suck on it, history majors); and so it will be remembered that six ManCathletes assembled on April 21, 2009 at Momo's on U St. We weren’t here to discuss Maigairi’s disturbing obsession with Justin Timberlake; and it certainly wasn’t for the “Stop Gchatting My Girlfriend, Because It Fills Me with a Red Hot Jealous Rage” intervention that Carlos had planned for me later this month. All that would have to wait. Tonight was for one reason and one reason only – final agreement on all things ManCathlon.

Needless to say, tensions were running high and negotiation tactics were in full force. Maigairi dropped his requirement that SexyBack be played prior to every event so long as Blair agreed to stop insisting on 3 swimming/diving events ("How many times do I have to tell you dude, I can't swim!"). Meanwhile, I was channelling my Junior year paper on Game Theory to try to get everyone to agree to pullups as an event. The biggest challenge, of course, was working around Stoddy's dating schedule. Luckily after a bucket of beers and some enthusiastic debate, it all came together. So here it is, your Mancathlon 2009:

When: All bar events to be completed Saturday, April 25. All athletic events to be completed Sunday, May 3. Mancathlon is capped off by a Texas Hold 'Em tournament Sunday night.

April 25. Rocket Bar and Lucky Strike, Chinatown
Darts – Round robin style tourney of "Cricket".

Pool - Round robin tourney of 8-ball.

Foosball - Round robin tourney to 10.

Bowling - Best average score of 2 games played.

May 3. Virginia, Maryland and DC area

Basketball - one-on-one round robin tourney. Bonus round of most 3 pointers out of 10 attempts.

Long Run – 4 Mile Run.

"Suicides" - As performed on a standard basketball court. Free throw line, half crt line, free throw line, in-bound line and back.

Swimming – 50 yard swim.

Pullups – Most pull-ups on a standard pull-up bar in one attempt. Must touch chin and come completely down to count.

Golf – Longest drive out of 10 swings. Bonus round – closest to the hole.

Punt/Pass/Kick - Distance and accuracy to the line.

Poker (Closing Event) – Texas Hold ‘Em Tournament. Single buy-in. Play until one man left standing.

Rules: All athletes must compete in every event. For 4-mile run, athletes must finish at least 3 miles. All round robin tournaments will be played with two brackets selected at random. The top three record holders advance to the Championship round robin bracket. Tie breakers will be (1) head-to-head matchups, and then (2) Points For-Against.

Scoring: All events are scored on 3-2-1 basis to the top three finishers. Bonus round winners get a 1 point bonus. Any disputes over Ties will be settled by either Paper-Rock-Scissors (best 2 out of 3) or a re-do of the event, at the participants election.

…and with everyone in agreement, the evening came to a close. Stay tuned for results, pictures, and hopefully a funny video of someone getting hit in the nuts.

Finally, in remembrance of our predecessors, I pose the question – who of the Yalta Big 3 below would win a ManCathlon? Obviously, FDR was wheelchair bound, Churchill was fat, and Stalin had webbed feet and was plain f**king nuts, but assuming everyone was at the peak of their mental and physical abilities. We'll leave that debate for another day....

Prologue

A few weeks ago, Mark and Maigari, after what was surely a long night of binge drinking and heated arguments over who had the better soccer jukes (when I replay the night in my head, the soundtrack from Rudy is playing in the background), convinced themselves that their best days on the field were not yet behind them, and that the dream of being carried off the field in victory could still be realized.

Out of the drunken, competitive haze of that night - a sport was born. That sport was Mancathlon. The details are quite simple. Each competitor picks three sports - (players agree on 12 total) - to be played over the course of two weekends. While the scoring system and sporting events are still being negotiated, highest point tally at the end wins.

This site is meant to chronicle Mancathlon over the coming weeks ahead, and be a repository for trash talking and the running score tally, henceforth known as The ManBoard.

We all know the stakes.
Lets get it on!